The Gift Of Sex
Sermon Audio
Sermon Notes
Intro:
Hey everybody my name’s Louis I’m the lead teaching pastor here at City Awakening, it’s great to be with you today. Today we’re continuing our series called From Me To You, which is all about the bible’s timeless wisdom for relationships, in particular relational topics like singleness, sex, marriage, parenting, and friendships. Last week we talked about singleness, and this week we’re talking about God’s design for dating, cohabitation, and sex. We have a lot to cover today, so let’s turn to Genesis 2:18-25 and get right into it. The title of today’s message is “The Gift of Sex,” and the big idea is sex is a gift to be enjoyed...Sex is a gift to be enjoyed...It’s not a god to be worshiped or gross and to be avoided. It’s a gift to be enjoyed, as God designed.
Context:
Let me give you a little context, I’ll keep it short for time. Genesis is the first book in the bible, and chs. 1-2 deal a lot with the beginning of creation. In particular ch. 2 gives us a more telescopic view of creation in regards to the creation of humanity, and it’s in ch. 2 that we learn about the first dating, cohabiting, sexual relationship in history, it’s the relationship between Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve are the first dating, cohabiting, sexual relationship in history, and it existed before sin entered the world, so it’s the ideal relationship. Let’s check it out.
The Word:
Genesis 2:18-25 states this, “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” So at this point Adam’s single, God says it’s not good for him to be alone, and God’s about to provide him with “a helper fit for him,” meaning a spouse. Marriage isn’t the only way God takes care of the aloneness issue. Sometimes God provides us with a spouse, family, friends, adopted children, even a church family so singles don’t have to be alone. In Adam’s case God’s providing him with a spouse, a helper fit for him.
Vs.19, “Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.” So basically Adam’s all excited over getting a helper, getting a wife. He’s not really sure what a wife is yet, but he’s all excited about it, and what’s God do? He sends him “beasts” and “birds,” He sends him an elephant...Adam’s like, “Is that her? I hope it’s not her. She’s nice, but not really my type God.” Nope, not her, but the next one I’m sending is.
Vs. 21, “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.” God brought her to the man, meaning she’s a gift...Eve’s a gift...She’s a precious gift God’s bringing to Adam, and notice she’s created from Adam’s rib. She’s not created from his head so she can surpass him, or his foot so he can trample on her, she’s created from his side so she can be close to him. She’s a precious gift of God, and the same is true for you ladies. You ladies are a gift...You’re a precious gift of God, so don’t sell yourselves short. Don’t sell yourselves short thinking you need to flaunt your body or give your body up sexually for men to love you. If he can’t love you with your clothes on he’s not worthy to have you as a gift. If it takes you flaunting and giving your body up for him to love you then you’re not his gift you’re his object. But you’re not an object of man, you’re a gift of God. So don’t sell yourselves short, and men don’t treat ladies as any less than the gift that they are. Both men and women should treat each other as gifts, and it starts before the marital relationship. We’re still in the dating relationship of Adam and Eve, but even in the dating relationship we’re to treat each other as gifts. The text says He brought her to the man.
Vs. 23, “Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’” Adam’s like, “Thank God it wasn’t the elephant...” He says, “This at last!” meaning he’s full of joy. It’s the first dating relationship in history, it’s full of joy, and sex isn’t even in the picture yet, meaning it doesn’t require sex for you to have joy in a dating relationship. Adam’s filled with joy over Eve and the focus isn’t on sex, it’s on her being a gift. But a lot of times in dating relationships we just look at the physical sexual attraction, when we need to look at if the person’s a good helper, a good fit for marriage, especially when it comes to our faith. Both Christians and non-Christians should date somebody who has the same faith as them, because if they don’t it’ll lead to issues in their future marriage and family. For example a Christian and an atheist will view life differently regardless of how much they love each other, and it’ll cause issues. “I want to give money to the church, but my spouse doesn’t. I want to go to church, but my spouse doesn’t. I want my kids to come to church, but they’re fighting me saying, ‘Why do I have to go if dad doesn’t go? Why do I have to go if mom doesn’t go?’” Marrying somebody of a different faith creates all kinds of issues, and so don’t date somebody of a different faith unless your faith and the future faith of your kids isn’t important to you. Can God convert somebody in dating relationships? Yes, He converted me through Andrea. But do you really want to risk your future marriage and family on missionary dating? Dating is a road that leads to a marital destination, and if you don’t share the same faith, get off the road before you reach that destination. It’ll save you a lot of hardships. Eve was a helper FIT for Adam, you need to date someone who’s a helper fit for you. Adam and Eve were FIT for each other, and they had joy in their relationship, even without sex. The text continues.
Vs. 24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife...” That’s the marital covenant. The “holding fast to his wife” is the marital covenant, and notice the cohabitation, the living together takes place after the marital covenant not before it. It states the man shall leave his father and mother to hold fast to his wife, not his girlfriend. It’s cohabitation after marriage not before it, and I want you to see this not as old school, but as another gift from God. Marriage is a gift from God and cohabitation is a part of that gift. But this idea of waiting until marriage to cohabitate is becoming a more foreign concept today, even with Christians. Scholar and multiple best-selling author Tim Keller states, “This practice has grown exponentially in the last three decades. Today more than half of all people live together before getting married. In 1960, virtually no one did. Today 25% of all unmarried women between the ages of 25-39 are currently living with a partner, and by their late 30’s over 60% will have done so.” One study reported in the 1960’s there were roughly 450,000 cohabiting couples in the U.S., but now there’s over 7.5 million, which is a 1500% increase. Some of you are like “I don’t get it, what’s the big deal? I think it’s smart to live together before marriage to test your compatibility now, so you don’t get a divorce later.” But its not smart, because research is showing the opposite’s true. It’s showing cohabitation before marriage isn’t a good test for marriage it’s a good test for divorce. There’s substantial research that shows those who live together before marriage have higher divorce rates than those who don’t. It’s the fine print of cohabitation nobody tells you, but it’s the fine print even secular Non-Christian sources are noticing.
Psychology Today states, “Pre-marital cohabitation is viewed as a risk factor for divorce as it predicts later marital instability, poorer marriage quality, and less relationship satisfaction...Interestingly, both engaged and non-engaged cohabiting couples tend to report less relationship dedication, less relationship confidence, and more negative communication compared to those who wait to live together until marriage.”
New York Times states, “Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages, and more likely to divorce than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect...Serial cohabitators, couples with differing levels of commitment and those who use cohabitation as a test are most at risk for poor relationship quality and eventual relationship dissolution.” So even New York Times is saying you better read the fine print!... You better read the fine print regarding cohabitation, because researchers are finding it’s not as pretty as it sounds. It’s not helping marriages, it’s weakening them, it’s putting them at a greater risk for divorce. But you’re the exception right?..Your relationship’s the exception to all this... Are you sure?..Are you sure your relationship’s the exception?..Look if you really love the person don’t risk the future of your relationship on cohabitation, instead follow God’s design for cohabitation in marriage. I really want you to see that, I want you to see all this as a gift from God. Dating, marriage, cohabitation, it’s all a wonderful gift from God to be enjoyed as He designed it. It’s not old school rules to rob you of relational joy, it’s timeless wisdom to take you further into relational joy. It’s not God’s design that’s robbing people of joy, it’s the culture’s design that’s robbing people of joy. If you’re currently in a cohabiting relationship outside of marriage talk to us and let us help you as a church. We won’t judge you, we love you and want to see your relationship thrive as God designed it, instead of die like the studies are showing. It’s God who created the gift of cohabitation not culture. It’s a gift to be enjoyed in marriage.
Again vs. 24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” They shall become “one flesh,” meaning that’s the sexual union, that’s the consummation of the marriage, and again it happens after the marriage, not before it...The sexual union happens after the marriage, not before it, and when it comes to sex, people typically view sex in 1 of 3 ways. I got this from a couple of different books I studied and found it helpful. But people tend to view sex in 1 of 3 ways, and here’s the first:
View #1: Sex Is God = Some people view sex as if it’s a god, meaning they worship it. Our culture tends to take this view, and it’s evident by the fact the porn industry makes more money than pro baseball, basketball, and football combined. It also makes more than ABC, CBS, and NBC combined. Globally the porn industry makes more than $90 billion a year. It’s because our culture views sex as a god. We treat it casually, we treat it like it’s not a big deal anymore to save our sexual experiences for one person. Yet the more casual we treat sex the more it affects our brain and relationships. A couple neurologists wrote a book called Hooked that’s based on a scientific study about the affects casual sex is having on our brains, and this is what they said. “The individual who goes from sex partner to sex partner is causing his or her brain to mold in such a way that eventually accepts that sexual pattern as normal…The pattern of changing sex partners therefore damages their ability to bond in a committed relationship…Repeated sexual encounters hinder our abilities to form lifelong and satisfying relationships.” This coming from neurologists, not pastors. They’re saying casual sex, sex with multiple partners rewires our brain and hinders our ability to have lifelong, satisfying relationships. So again, I want you to see the bible’s wisdom regarding sex is timeless and true. I want you to see that God’s design for sex to be reserved for marriage isn’t to rob you of joy, it’s to protect you and take you deeper into joy. City Awakening God knows what He’s doing with every command He gives, and viewing sex as a god won’t help you, it’ll hurt you. So trust God’s design, even with your sex life.
View #2: Sex Is Gross = Some people view sex as gross, and to be fair some don’t do it intentionally, they do it because they’ve been sinned against sexually or experienced a distorted view of sex that was outside of God’s design. In situations like this we need to do what we can to care for them so they can receive healing from the sexual sin done against them. If you’re a spouse of someone who’s been sinned against sexually, you need to patiently walk with them through the healing process, and as a church we need to provide a safe place for counsel and healing, so their identity and views on sex will be shaped by God not by their sexual abuse. But typically speaking the sex is gross view is the church’s reactionary view to the culture’s sex is god view. Church people see our culture treating sex like a god so they start freaking out, busting out the chastity belts, using fear or guilt based messages to discourage sexual sin. And because there’s been a lot of guilting and shaming over the years, those who’ve sexually sinned don’t feel they can’t turn to the church for help. A teenage girl gets pregnant and she doesn’t know who to turn to, or a guy keeps his porn addiction hidden rather than getting help. It’s because we’ve treated sex as such a gross, shameful thing that they don’t feel they can come to the church for help. For some people this sex is gross view is so engrained in them, that they’ll even feel guilt on their wedding night, or have very poor, unenjoyable, sex lives. But sex according to God’s design isn’t gross or shameful, it’s meant to be enjoyed. Listen to what the text says next.
Again vs. 24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” They were both naked and “not ashamed.” The reason they’re not ashamed is because they’re not treating sex as a god or as gross, they’re treating it as a gift. It’s our 3rd view of sex:
View #3: Sex Is A Gift = The bible teaches us to view sex as a gift. There’s nothing in the text that points to sex being a god or gross, it all points to it being a gift. Adam’s a gift, Eve’s a gift, dating’s a gift, cohabitation’s a gift, sexual union’s a gift, it’s all a gift of God to enjoy in marital union. Sex is a gift, and I’ll give you 4 timeless biblical reasons it’s such a gift:
#1 Sex Is For Procreation = God’s given us sex as a gift for procreation. Genesis 1:28 states, “Be fruitful and multiply,” meaning sex is for procreation, it’s for having children. Some people claim sex is ONLY for procreation, but that’s not true because sometimes God calls people to be in a season where they can’t have children which can be a very painful season. But like I said last week you can still have purpose and joy in your season without children, just like Jesus had purpose and joy without children. God’s gift of sex most certainly entails procreation, but it’s not limited to procreation. There’s other reasons God gives us sex as a gift.
#2 Sex is For Oneness = God’s given us sex as a gift for oneness. Again Genesis 2:24 states, “They shall become one flesh,” meaning sex is about becoming one, it’s about joining our bodies together in a way that truly allows our bodies to be bonded as one flesh. I mean the fact we get upset over adultery and don’t give our spouse permission to sleep around tells us there’s something greater happening in sexual oneness than just a casual physical act of human nature. Sex is a deeply emotional, spiritual act that should cause married people to be faithful, and dating people to respect their future spouse and other people’s future Adam and Eve. “Yeah but what if I love the person I’m dating?” Then love them enough to protect their sexual oneness for their future spouse, which might not be you. You might love them now, but you might not marry them later, and somebody else will. So protect their future Adam and Eve and yours, protect their oneness and yours. I wish I did this for Andrea, I wish I saved all my firsts for her but I didn’t. I didn’t respect the Eve’s I dated or Andrea as my future Eve. But thankfully Jesus offers grace, healing, and restoration for those who’ve lived outside of God’s design, for those who’ve lost their sexual oneness, helping to purify our hearts and the sexual oneness we’ve lost.
#3 Sex Is For Protection = God’s given us sex as a gift for protection. 1 Corinthians 7:5 states, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time...so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” The text says, “Don’t deprive one another,” meaning don’t hold out on each other, instead have sex frequently. Now this can be an issue for some couples because usually one wants it more than the other. But in situations like that the one who wants it less has a chance to be a selfless lover to their spouse, and the one who wants it more has a chance to be a thankful lover thanking their spouse for the sexual gift they’ve given. What this text teaches is we need to have sex frequently to protect ourselves against sexual temptation, and notice it says we need to “agree” on the frequency. Is it once a week, 3 times a week, every other day of the week? The text says we need to talk about it and agree on it. If you have kids you might even need to schedule it, so they don’t walk in and find out where they came from...But have sex, and have it frequently, it’s a gift God’s given for protection.
#4 Sex Is For Pleasure = God’s given sex as a gift for pleasure. God designed our human anatomy in such a way that when certain buttons are pushed it produces pleasure, it produces a chemical in the brain called opioid, and it’s considered the greatest physical pleasure a human could ever experience apart from being induced with heroin. It’s the way God designed us, He designed us and sex to be pleasurable. I mean it’s not like He created Adam and Eve, left to get a cappuccino, came back and was like “What in the world?..Didn’t see that coming...” God knew exactly what He was doing when He designed sex for pleasure, and there’s multiple places in the bible that talk about it. Song of Solomon’s an entire book in the bible that talks about the erotic love between a husband and wife, and Proverbs 5:19 says, “Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight.” Some of you men are like “Ooh! I’m adding that to my favorites...And you should, because it says her breasts should fill you with DELIGHT, they should be enjoyed. Sex is a gift that should be enjoyed, and it’s to be enjoyed both ways, meaning the husband’s supposed to pleasure his wife too. 1st Corinthians 7 talks about this, it talks about us being selfless lovers not selfish lovers. The husband’s supposed to pleasure his wife and she’s supposed to pleasure him. How do you do that? Again, by talking to each other. Married couples need to talk to each other about sex. I mean if God’s willing to talk about it in the bible, then we should be willing to talk about it in our marriages. For some of you it might be awkward at first, but to really enjoy this wonderful gift God’s given you, you need to talk about it. You need to talk about the frequency, and your likes and dislikes, never forcing each other to do things you don’t mutually agree on. When you talk about this stuff it’ll allow you to learn each other’s likes and dislikes so you can have a frequent, mutually pleasurable sex life. It’s not sex as a god or gross, it’s sex as a gift. So do it frequently, make it mutually pleasurable, and enjoy it as God designed it to be.
The Big Idea:
Let’s get to the big idea. Here’s the big idea. Sex is a gift to be enjoyed, as God designed it...Sex is a gift to be enjoyed, as God designed it...It’s not a god to be worshiped, or gross and to be avoided, it’s a gift to be enjoyed, as God designed it. Jesus himself reiterated this design in Matthew 19:4-5 stating, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’” So even Jesus reiterated this very design for dating, cohabitation, and sex, and if you love Jesus, then follow Jesus...If you love Jesus, then follow Jesus, follow his design, and if you who haven’t followed that design, ask Jesus to forgive you, receive his forgiveness by believing he died for your sins, including your sexual sins on the cross, and start living according to God’s design. If you don’t follow God’s design for dating, cohabitation, and sex like Jesus taught, you’re not in alignment with Jesus, and it’ll rob you and your relationship of joy. The culture’s design gives you a perception of joy in the moment, but it’ll rob you of joy later. Secular researchers are starting to realize this, the question is do you realize it, and who’s design are you willing to follow? Will you follow the culture’s design or God’s design? Will you follow your design, or God’s design? Will you treat sex as a god, as gross, or as an amazing gift to be enjoyed, as God designed it to be? Let’s pray.
Closing Prayer:
Sex As God Issues (Porn, casual sex)
Sex As Gross Issues (Sexual abuse, those who view sex as dirty)
Sex As Gift Issues (Singles find someone, dating people wait, married people celebrate)