The Gift of Singleness
Sermon Audio
Sermon Notes
Intro:
Hey everybody my name’s Louis I’m the lead teaching pastor here at City Awakening, it’s great to be with you today. Today we’re starting a new 5 wk series called From Me To You, and it’s about the bible’s timeless wisdom for relationships. Its about the bible’s timeless wisdom for relational topics like singleness, sex, marriage, parenting, and friendships. You won’t know which topic we’re gonna hit each week because the tendency is to skip the ones that don’t relate to your relational status, but the one I will tell you in advance is the one for next week because it’s a popular one and it’s one that’ll boost the male attention span. It’s the one on sex...Next week we’re talking about sex, and it’ll be a great message that’ll transform some of your views on sex, possibly even transform some of your sex lives. So don’t miss next week or any week in this series, because every week will be relevant for your life, regardless of your relational status.
Now today we’re gonna talk about singleness, and for those who are married or dating, this message is just as relevant for you as it is for singles. It’s just as relevant because there’s things you need to know to help care for singles, you might end up being single again one day, and your current relationship can be affected by unrealistic expectations you had of marriage when you were single. It’s expectations you put on your spouse that they haven’t lived up to, and it’s caused your marriage to feel more like a war than a Nicholas Sparks novel. I mean when we’re single, and for those who are currently single, we tend to have unrealistic expectations of marriage. We tend to over desire or under desire marriage. We tend to crave marriage like an idol causing us to get angry, depressed, or bitter when we’re not married and see others getting married before us, or we tend to demonize marriage causing us to avoid it, even reject the idea of marriage making us unwilling to fully commit to any relationship. We can even go back and forth between idolizing and demonizing marriage, but regardless both views of marriage are unhealthy, both views will rob married and single people of joy, and today we’re gonna see what the bible’s wisdom has to say about singleness and marriage. Our focus today will mainly be on singleness, but we’ll talk more about marriage in upcoming weeks. So let’s turn to 1 Corinthians 7:6-8 and get into it. The title of today’s message is The Gift of Singleness. Singleness is a gift. I know it might not always feel like it, but Singleness is a gift...So steward it, don’t waste it.
Context:
Here’s your context. The author of 1st Corinthians is a guy named Paul. He was single like some of you sitting here today, and yet he’s known as one of the greatest Christian leaders in history. He wrote the historical letter we’re about to read to the Corinthian Church around 53-55 A.D., and he wrote it to address some issues the church was having. In particular ch. 7 is dealing with issues about marriage, sex, and singleness. What’s happening is there’s a few people in the church who are saying Christians shouldn’t get married or have sex with their spouse, and in vs. 1-5 Paul tells them it’s not true. He tells them it’s okay to get married, it’s okay to have sex in marriage, and he’s about to tell them it’s okay to be single too, because what matters more than anything is being faithful to God regardless of the relational status we’re in. Let’s check it out.
The Word:
1 Corinthians 7:6-8 states this, “Now as a concession, not a command...” He’s talking about the decision to get married, abstain from sex in marriage, or to remain single. He says it’s a “concession” not a “command,” meaning we’re free to choose. He says we can choose to get married, abstain from sex in marriage with the consent of our spouse and only for a short period of time, and we can choose to be single. Paul says we’re free to choose any of those things.
Again vs. 6, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God...” Okay this is where we get our big idea from. Paul says each has his own “gift from God,” meaning singleness is a gift from God too. Marriage is a gift, singleness is a gift, it’s all a gift from God, and this biblical wisdom, this biblical view that singleness is a gift has had massive historical implications for singles all over the world. It’s a view that would’ve been considered foreign, unique to human history, because historically ancient societies viewed adult singleness as a negative thing. They placed a greater value on marriage and family and considered it socially dishonorable to not get married or have kids. Getting married and having kids was the primary way you’d gain social significance, and it also gave you security for when you got older or became widowed because your children could take care of you. In fact some societies frowned upon singleness so much, that they’d actually fine widows if they didn’t remarry within a couple years. In a book called “The Rise Of Christianity” a social historian states, “Pagan widows faced great social pressure to remarry. Augustus even had widows fined if they failed to marry within two years. But in Christianity, widowhood was highly respected and remarriage was if anything, mildly discouraged. The church stood ready to sustain poor widows, allowing them a choice to remarry or not.” Like Paul this social historian says it’s Christians, it’s the church who valued singles so much, that they “stood ready” to care for even poor single widows. Again all this was unique to human history and was being taught by Christians, even modeled by single Christians like Paul. When single Christians like Paul chose to remain single and care for singles, it sent a powerful historical statement to the world that our value in society and future security isn’t dependent upon being married and having kids, it’s dependent upon God. These single Christians were letting their lives be a testimony that God’s their hope and security, not marriage and kids. Those who are single should be thankful for the bible’s wisdom, and for single Christians like Paul who are responsible for changing this part of societal history allowing those who are single to be viewed as a gift, and to always have a place they can call family in the church. Singles you’re a gift from God, and you have much to contribute to church and society. Your singleness is a gift...So steward it, don’t waste it.
Again vs. 7, “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows...” Notice he mentions more than one type of single, he mentions the “unmarried” and the “widows,” which is important because there’s different types of singles. A lot of times we think singles are only young adults, but there’s middle and older aged singles, there’s widows, there’s singles who’ve been through a divorce, there’s single parents, and each of them struggles with singleness differently. Some struggle with self-image thinking the reason they’re single is because something’s wrong with them. Some struggle with sexual purity, the fear of being single the rest of their life, or being able to provide for their kids on one income. There’s so many different struggles with singleness, but regardless of the struggle I want you to know you can always share those struggles with this church. You can always have a family here at City Awakening, because we view you as a gift.
Again vs. 8, “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” Again he’s saying it’s a gift. He’s saying singleness is a gift, it’s a good thing, and can even be preferred over marriage. He’ll tell us why he says this in a minute, but for now I want you to know this is the 1st of 3 things Paul’s teaching us about singleness. He’s teaching us:
#1 Singles Aren’t Less Human or Incomplete, They’re A Gift = Singles aren’t less human or incomplete, they’re a gift, but because historical societies treated singles as 2nd class citizens we often view singles as less human and incomplete. Even our current western culture views singles like this which is evident in movies like Jerry Maguire that say “You Complete Me,” as if they were incomplete without each other. It’s evident in Disney movies that end with loud trumpets once the Happily Ever After happens giving the impression the climax of happiness is found in romance and marriage. It’s even evident in shows like the Bachelor and Bachelorette. All of it paints a picture that you’re less human, incomplete, and unable to have true happiness apart from finding a soulmate and getting married. But the bible’s wisdom teaches your singleness doesn’t make you any less human, incomplete, or unable to have happiness than married people. The bible never teaches the wisdom, gifts, and fruits of the Holy Spirit are limited to married people with kids, it teaches they’re available to all who love Jesus including single people and those without kids. This means your life can be full, fruitful, and joyful right now, even in your singleness, and Jesus proved it. Jesus was single and didn’t have kids, yet he was the most complete, fruitful, joyful person in history. Life with Jesus gives you access to everything you need to have a full, fruitful, joyful life even in singleness. So no Jerry Maguire you don’t complete me, it’s Jesus who completes me! It’s Jesus who can complete anybody who comes to him. If you follow historical and current societal views on singleness then you are less human, incomplete, and unable to find happiness apart from marriage, but if you follow the bible’s wisdom and Jesus then none of those things are true. What Paul teaches us is every relational status is a gift, and in vs. 27-31 he says “time is short,” so instead of worrying about our relational status we should devote our lives to serving and growing in our relationship with Jesus. He says it’s easier for singles to do this than married people, and he explains why in vs. 32.
Vs. 32 states, “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” Notice Paul says married people’s “interests are divided.” They’re divided between “pleasing” their spouse and “pleasing” Jesus, which is the 2nd thing Paul teaches us about singleness. He teaches us:
#2 Marriage Isn’t Your Savior, It’ll Divide Your Focus On The Savior = For those of you who are single marriage isn’t your savior, it’ll divide your focus on the Savior. In Ephesians Paul says marriage is a picture of Jesus’ relationship with the church, but here he’s saying it can also divide our focus on Jesus because it creates a new set of anxieties and worries that weren’t there when we were single. He says men have to start worrying about pleasing their wives, and when I was single I didn’t think about that, I only worried about pleasing myself. It was all my money and my time, but now I have a joint budget and sync meetings to manage my schedule with my wife’s...When I was single if I wanted to go camping I’d just grab my duffle bag and go, but now the only camping I get to consider is an RV, Disney, or glamping...I used to only have one kind of soap, Old Spice. But now I have all kinds of soaps, facial products, skin products, lotions, scented oils, potpourri, stuff I never even heard of...Paul’s saying things change when you get married, and the same’s true for the ladies. When ladies get married their focus gets divided and they have to start worrying about pleasing their husband. They have to worry about loving him, serving him, pleasing him, cleaning up after him. My wife hates when I do 3 things, leave beard shavings on the counter, leave the drip pan from my smoker in the sink, and leave sweaty gym clothes on the floor. Paul’s like, “You single ladies sure you want that? Right now it’s just you and Jesus. But when you get married, you’ll have to take care of a gorilla in your house...”
Okay so listen, we have to be honest about this stuff. I love being married. I really do. I’m all in on marriage and family, but being married and having kids brings a whole new level of stresses and worries you don’t realize until you’re in it. So are there struggles in singleness? Yes, but there’s struggles in marriage too. Is being single frustrating at times? Yes, but so is being married and raising kids. I mean you have a hard enough time trying to please yourself, imagine trying to please a spouse and kids. You can’t do it, and what Paul’s teaching us is marriage isn’t your savior, it’ll divide our focus on the Savior. Marriage, having kids, being single, none of it’s our savior, and none of it’s the answer to finding happiness for our lives. Marriage is great, but it’s not our savior, it’ll divide our focus on the Savior. Let’s go to vs. 35.
Vs. 35, “I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” This the 3rd and last thing Paul’s teaching us about singleness. He’s teaching us:
#3 Singles Have A Purpose = Singles have a purpose. Paul says you’ve been given the gift of having an “undivided devotion to the Lord,” meaning you’re in a season right now where you can give your undivided devotion to the Lord and to causes in ways married people and people with kids can’t. You’re not in a holding pattern waiting for God to land a marital blessing on you, He’s already blessed you with a season of life where you can draw near to Him and be used by Him in unique ways to the degree married people and people with kids can’t. Even those of you who are single parents are in a season where you don’t have to worry about pleasing a spouse so take advantage of this time. For those of you who are single you might not ever get a season like this again so take advantage of it, steward it while you can. Don’t waste this season being distracted by your iPhone, iPad, and self-centered iWants. Don’t waste it on binge watching something on tv or things that don’t really matter in life. There’s nothing wrong with binge watching something, I’m just saying don’t let this season pass you by because God’s given it to you as a gift, it has purpose, and you’re to steward it while you can! Start an outreach to meet a need in our city, go on a mission trip, pour yourself out in discipling relationships, serve in children’s ministry or on a ministry team, help parents especially single parents by offering to babysit for free once a month to give them a break. I can promise you they won’t turn you down, and if they do, offer it to me...I won’t turn you down...You can also serve in the retirement home down the road or get to know some of the homeless people in our city by name. We’ve recently been in contact with Eastbrook Elementary which is a charter 1 school just around the corner, and they have a lot of needs for things like tutoring, even food for some of the kids who don’t have enough food to last the weekend. We’ll share more about those needs in the future, but my point is do something. Don’t over commit and burnout, but don’t waste this season either. This season has a purpose, so steward it, use it well to serve Jesus and the people in our city. All of us, married or single, should steward our lives well to serve Jesus and the people in our city. Paul’s just saying single people have a special opportunity to do that now, without having their focus divided to a spouse. Singles this season of life has a purpose. So steward it, don’t waste it.
Again vs. 35, “I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. 36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry, it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.” Simply put, Paul’s saying there’s nothing wrong with being married or single, because both are amazing gifts from God. Both are amazing gifts from God, they have a purpose, and they’re to be stewarded not wasted. So for those who are married, let’s steward our marital gift by empathizing with those who are single, being willing to walk with them in their struggles with singleness, being willing to open our homes, our lives, our love to them. If they’re a part of our City Awakening church family, that makes them a part of your personal family, so open your home, life, and love to them. The same goes for those who are single, you’re to steward this season of singleness well by opening your home, life, and love to the married people in our church, because they’re a part of your family too. If this isn’t your church home, we want you to know we view you as a gift regardless of your relational status, which means you’re always welcome to be a part of this church family. There should be no lonely people at City Awakening, because every lonely person should have access to our church family, and be treated as a gift, regardless of their relational status.
The Big Idea:
Let’s get to the big idea. Here’s the big idea. Singleness is a gift. Steward it, don’t waste it...Singleness is a gift. Steward it, don’t waste it...Look our historical and current societies have been wrong in teaching us that it’s marriage and a spouse that completes you. The bible’s timeless wisdom and single Christians like Paul have exposed this and point us to Jesus who can complete you. Jesus is the only one who can really complete us, who can really make our lives full, fruitful, and joyful. Having a spouse won’t do that for you, and to think they can is to put unrealistic expectations on marriage and spouses, expectations they’ll never be able to live up to. They’ll never be able to fill the savior role that only Jesus can fill. Your marriage, your spouse, your future spouse, getting another spouse, none of it will ever be able to do what only Jesus can do. Marriage is an amazing gift, but it’s a terrible god...Marriage is an amazing gift, but it’s a terrible savior...Only Jesus can give you a full, fruitful, joyful life, because he’s the only single, sinless, Savior who’s ever lived such a life. He came to live, die, and rise again for our sins and to give us an abundantly full, fruitful, joyful life with him. When we make other things our savior, when we try to find our joy and happiness in other things even beyond marriage, it’ll always leaves us feeling unhappy, unsatisfied, and incomplete like something’s missing in our lives. So like the Single Christians in history taught, let’s turn to Jesus for our hope, security, and joy regardless of our relational status. Let’s treat each other as gifts from God, lean on each other for support, steward our lives to spread the love of Jesus in our city, and worship Jesus as the greater gift. Both married and single, let’s stand together, and worship Jesus as our greater gift.