Wisdom with Sex
Sermon Notes
Intro:
Hey everybody my name’s Louis I’m the lead pastor here at City Awakening, it’s great to gather with you both onsite and online. If you have elementary children, you can go ahead and dismiss them to children’s church at this time. Today’s message is on a topic we felt isn’t suited for elementary ears, so we’re giving you the chance to send them to children’s church at this time. Our leaders are in the back ready to check them in. As they’re being checked in, I want to celebrate the fact that we’re baptizing 7 people today! Its 7 people who’ve put their faith in Jesus, and each person has a unique story of how they came to faith in Jesus through various people in their lives. Our church has played a part in their stories, which is why they’re getting baptized here. When you invite people to church, invite people to come to know Jesus, and give financially to the church it matters tremendously! The people being baptized are evidence that your invitations can lead to transformations. They’re evidence that your desire to live contently, give generously, can reach more missionally. So, let’s keep it up City Awakening! Let’s keep inviting and giving, so we can keep celebrating lives being transformed by Jesus.
Now today we’re continuing our teaching series on a book of the bible called Proverbs, which is about gaining practical wisdom for everyday life, and today we’re talking about sex. We’re talking about gaining practical wisdom when it comes to sex, and the reality is some of you grew up in homes or went to churches that didn’t talk about sex. So, today’s text might seem so erotic, that it might offend you or cause you to blush. But the reason we’re talking about it is because God talks about it, and because we’re living in such a casual sex culture that it’s become a necessity for us to talk about it. We’re living in such a casual sex culture, that we want you to be able to see why God’s view of sex is so much greater and more pleasurable, than our culture’s casual view of sex. So, let’s turn to Proverbs 5 and get into it. You’ll find Proverbs in the middle of your bible, and we’ll be in Proverbs 5:15-19. The title of today’s message is Wisdom with Sex, and here’s the big idea. Sex is most pleasurable, when we don’t undervalue or overvalue it...Sex is most pleasurable, when we don’t undervalue or overvalue it.
Context:
Here’s your context. These proverbs come from King Solomon who’s considered one of the most famous, wealthiest, wisest kings in history. Historically people traveled from all over the world to gain from his wisdom, and today we’re drawing from his wisdom when it comes to sex. We’ll be addressing the following 4 questions regarding sex: #1 How do we undervalue sex? #2 How do we overvalue sex? #3 What is a healthy view sex? #4 How do we keep sex healthy and good? Those are the 4 questions well be addressing regarding sex, so let’s check it out.
The Word:
Proverbs 5:15-19 states, “Drink water from your own cistern, water flowing from your own well.” In Hebrew poetry the cistern, water flowing, and well are all symbols of female sexuality. You have to go into the cistern and well in order to enjoy the water flowing. Like I said, it’s a very erotic text, but for now just know we’re talking about female sexuality here.
Again vs. 15 states, “Drink water from your own cistern, water flowing from your own well. 16 Should your springs flow in the streets, streams in the public squares? 17 They should be for you alone and not for you to share with strangers. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth.” Notice there’s a switch to male sexuality here. In Hebrew the ‘fountain’ is a reference to male sexuality because there’s a difference between how water flows out of a well vs a fountain. I’m not giving any more details than that, so if you don’t understand what I’m talking about, ask your small group leaders. It’ll be an interesting night at small group. But what Solomon’s talking about here is sexual intimacy between a male and female. It’s the sexual intimacy specifically between a husband and wife. And notice he says it’s your cistern, your well, your fountain, and it isn’t to be shared with strangers. Simply put, it’s about being faithful to one spouse, having sexual intimacy with one person in a marital relationship.
This is an incredibly high view of sexual intimacy and marriage, especially compared to ancient civilizations back then and our casual sex culture today. In ancient civilizations marriage was more transactional than relational. A man would basically marry a woman for 2 primary reasons. It was for strategic economic reasons, and to have children to carry on the family lineage. It was much more transactional than relational. But Solomon’s describing marriage as something so much greater than that. It’s something that’s relational, full of commitment, pleasure, and delight. In Proverbs 2:17 he even refers to a spouse as a companion, which in Hebrew means an intimate friend or a best friend. Your spouse is meant to be your companion, your intimate friend, your best friend! It’s a much higher view of sexual intimacy and marriage compared to ancient civilizations and our casual sex culture today, which leads to our 1st question.
#1 How do we undervalue sex?
How do we undervalue sex? We undervalue it by treating it like a commodity. This is what casual sex does, it treats sex like a commodity, and it does it in two ways. First it causes you to treat your body like a commodity. Our culture teaches us to view sex as something that’s simply physical, it’s a part of your natural physical desires. So, like food if you’re hungry, then eat. If you’re hormones are racing, then have sex. We see this happing with the porn industry commodifying sex to profit off our sexual appetites. The porn industry makes more money than pro basketball, baseball, and football combined. It makes more money than ABC, NBC, and CBS combined. It makes over $97 billion a year, which proves we’ve turned sex into a profitable commodity. But if sex is meant to be a commodity, meant to be simply casual and physical, then why does somebody cheating or committing adultery hurt so badly? If sex is meant to be simply casual and physical, then why wouldn’t you be okay with your spouse having casual sex with somebody else? The fact that it’d bother you tells you sex is more than physical, it’s emotional and spiritual. It’s two people becoming one flesh, two people mingling their souls together. Its why sex is meant to be reserved for marriage, it’s because everything you have becomes one. It isn’t this is mine and that’s yours; it’s this is ours! It’s our income, our house, our family. Why? It’s because the two have become one, you’ve joined your bodies together, you’ve mingled your souls. Sexual intimacy outside of marriage isn’t committed to that oneness, it’s committed to physical pleasure, which causes you to treat the human body like a commodity.
But casual sex also causes you to treat your relationship like a commodity. It causes you to treat people like a product to be consumed and moved on from when you’re done. “Yeah, but what if we love each other?” I’m not doubting your love for each other, I’m doubting your level of love and commitment to each other, because you might have given your body up sexually, but you haven’t given your life up fully. You haven’t fully committed to sharing all their problems, burdens, debts, flaws, and needs. You haven’t fully committed to saying the vows, to promising to love them for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. You haven’t fully committed your love and life to them maritally. You’re pretending to be married by giving your body up sexually, but you’re not married because you’re not giving your life up fully. You’re still holding onto the right to walk away from the relationship if they’re not meeting your needs. You’re willing to exchange your goods, but not your life. You’re saying “I want the goods, I want the product, but I don’t fully want you, or everything that comes with you. I don’t want to fully commit my life to you.” Casual sex, sexual intimacy outside of marriage ‘undervalues’ sex, by treating your body and relationships like a commodity. But how do we overvalue sex?
#2 How do we overvalue sex?
Proverbs 11:22 states, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout, is a beautiful woman without discretion.” Solomon’s saying a gold ring looks nice, but when it’s attached to a pig’s snout it suddenly loses its beauty. In a similar way a woman can look beautiful on the outside, a guy can look handsome on the outside, but lack discretion, character, beauty on the inside. Solomon’s saying it’s a person’s character, it’s their beauty on the inside that’s most important. But we ‘overvalue’ sex when we view beauty and sex, when we view the outside as most important. It’s perhaps why some of you are still single! It’s because you’re looking for somebody you can align with on the inside, in a culture full of people looking for beauty and sex on the outside. It’s hard being single, wanting marriage, wanting sexual intimacy, wondering why God hasn’t given it to you yet. It’s normal to wrestle with that and even mourn the fact God hasn’t given it to you. But let what Solomon’s saying encourage you to not lower your standards in seeking only beauty and sex on the outside. Let it also remind you to not ‘overvalue’ marriage and sex thinking it’s the epitome of being fully human and happy, because Jesus was single, celibate, fully human, fully divine, yet fully happy. So don’t listen to Jerry Maguire saying, “You complete me!” Listen to Jesus saying, “Come follow me!” A companion, new marriage, new spouse can’t complete you, it’s life with Jesus that can complete you. He’s the only one who can satisfy both the single and the married. He’s the only one who can empower us to be faithful with our sexual intimacy.
Men when you ‘overvalue’ beauty and sex, habitually objectify women, view them as commodities, view them based on what’s on the outside. It’s destructive to women, destructive to the very ladies we love in this room! It’s destructive to their identity, self-image, emotional security, and fills their minds with all kinds of insecurities. It can even cause them to risk their health with things like anorexia, bulimia, and cosmetic surgery to look beautiful. The ladies face enough pressures outside the church, we should help them feel safe, loved, and secure within the church.
Ladies be careful not to ‘overvalue’ beauty and sex. Some of you worry way too much about your looks, dimples on your thighs, wrinkles on your face, grey in your hair. But if a man truly loves you, he’ll still see your beauty radiating in those things. I’m looking forward to being an old silverback gorilla still holding the hands of my old silverback queen. But some of you ‘overvalue’ beauty and sex way too much. Some of you want to be a Proverbs 31 woman, a woman who’s considered a blessing to her family year after year. But did you know Proverbs 31 never once describes her as being physically beautiful? It only talks about beauty negatively. Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” Beauty is talked about negatively, as fleeting, as fading with time if there isn’t beauty on the inside. Being physically attracted to a person isn’t enough for relational longevity. Just watch a season of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Solomon’s saying as attractive as beauty is, don’t be fooled into overvaluing beauty and sex, or you might find yourself attached to a pig’s snout. Don’t overvalue beauty and sex like our culture because it’s the inside of a person that’s more critical for relational longevity.
#3 = What’s a healthy view sex?
But what’s a healthy view of sex? We’ve talked about undervaluing and overvaluing sex, but what’s a healthy view of sex? We typically view sex in 1 of 3 ways. We view it either as god, gross, or gift. We view it as god when we overvalue it, when we’re addicted to it. We view it as gross when we undervalue it, when we want nothing to do with it, which can sometimes be the result of abuse or trauma. Our church is willing to help you if you struggle with either of these views, so you can get to the place where you view sex as a gift. The bible teaches us to view sex as a wonderful gift that God’s given us to enjoy in a marital relationship. It’s a gift God’s given for procreation, for protection against sexual temptation, for pleasure, for oneness and mingling of our souls. It’s to be viewed as a gift, as a good thing, and our responsibility is to keep it good. But how? How do we keep sex as a healthy and good gift like God intended it to be? Let’s go back to Proverbs 5:15-17, because it teaches us 3 ways to keep sex healthy and good.
#4 = How do we keep sex healthy and good?
Proverbs 5:15-19, “Drink water from your own cistern, water flowing from your own well. 16 Should your springs flow in the streets, streams in the public squares? 17 They should be for you alone and not for you to share with strangers.” So, keeping sexual intimacy as a gift entails:
#1 Keep it Exclusive = Sexual intimacy as a gift entails keeping it exclusive for you and your spouse, nobody else. Solomon says keep your own cistern, your own well, for you and your spouse alone. It’s exclusive, so viewing porn is out, viewing others lustfully is out, casual sex is out, sexual intimacy in dating is out. “Well, you’re just being old school.” No, I’m being biblical, and if you’re truly a Christian, you should want to be biblical too. Besides if anything’s old school it’s treating sex casually and having sexual intimacy outside of marriage since people were already doing that in ancient civilizations. So, if you really want something new and more pleasurable, then follow God’s design of exclusivity in sexual intimacy. Follow God’s design to keep your cistern, you well, your fountain for you and your spouse alone! If you’re dating somebody keep it for your future spouse, which may not be the person you’re currently dating.
Vs. 18-19, “Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. 19 a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts always satisfy you...” Some of the men are like “Oooh, I like that verse...” But here’s what this text is teaching. It’s teaching sexual intimacy as a gift entails keeping it exclusive, but also...
#2 Keep it Enjoyable = Sexual intimacy as a gift entails keeping it enjoyable. It should be enjoyable and satisfying like Solomon said. Sexual intimacy isn’t just for procreation, it’s also for pleasure. The reality is God knew what he was doing when He created our human anatomy. It isn’t like Adam and Eve had sex and God’s like “Wow! Didn’t see that coming!” God knew it was coming because He created sex, and just like He designed our tastebuds for pleasure, He designed our bodies for sexual pleasure. It goes both ways too; meaning don’t be a selfish lover making it all about you. It’s meant to be pleasurable for both the husband and the wife. Sexual intimacy isn’t meant to be dull and boring; it’s meant to be an amazing gift to enjoy within a loving, committed, marital relationship. It’s meant to be exclusive and enjoyable like Solomon said.
Again vs. 19, “Let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever.” That’s #3...
#3 Keep it Frequent = Sexual intimacy as a gift entails keeping it exclusive, enjoyable, and frequent. Solomon says be lost in her love forever. The original Hebrew uses much stronger language stating be intoxicated in her love. He’s saying be so lost in love with her, so drunk in love with her, that it causes you to only have eyes for her. Frequency can help protect your spouse against wandering eyes and sexual temptation. 1 Corinthians 7:5 states, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time...so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” So sexual intimacy is a gift for pleasure, but it’s also a gift for protection. A selfless lover realizes this and doesn’t wait for a date night, anniversary night, or night when they aren’t tired. Selfless lovers realize the stars won’t always align for sexual intimacy, so they have it frequently to keep their marital intimacy alive and protected. Physical and emotional health issues can certainly hinder frequency, but it doesn’t have to hinder being lost in love with your spouse. So how do you keep sexual intimacy as the healthy and good gift God intended it to be? Keep it exclusive, enjoyable, and frequent, within the marital relationship.
The Big Idea:
Look the big idea is sex is most pleasurable, when we don’t undervalue or overvalue it... When we undervalue or overvalue sex it eventually robs us of pleasure, but when we treat it as the good gift God intended it to be it’ll bring us more pleasure...If you’ve sinned sexually, I want you to know Jesus is willing to forgive you...If you’ve been hurt sexually, Jesus is willing to heal you...If you’ve been struggling with sinful sexual desires, Jesus is willing to continue walking with you, so you’ll eventually see the beauties of his love are more satisfying than your sin.
The good news of the gospel is Jesus allowed his body to be scared on the outside, so you can see the true beauty of his love, receive his love, and be changed by his love on the inside. He did this not because you’re beautiful, but to make you beautiful. There’s sins and wounds in all our lives that Jesus wants to heal us from, and his resurrection proves he has the power to heal whatever sin has broken, including whatever sexual sin has broken. Jesus died for our sins which means forgiveness is available, and he rose from the dead which means healing is available. Will you receive his forgiveness, receive his healing, receive his love...and let him satisfy your soul?