Wisdom for Family Life
Sermon Notes
Intro:
Today we’re continuing our teaching series on a book of the bible called Proverbs, which is about gaining practical wisdom for everyday life, and since it’s Mother’s Day we’ll be talking about gaining practical wisdom for your family life. Now don’t check out if you aren’t married or don’t have kids! Don’t say “Well this doesn’t apply to me,” because there’s still nuggets of wisdom that’s applicable for your life too. There’s something for everybody in this message because everybody needs wisdom to help navigate the difficulties of family life. Everybody’s family has issues, makes mistakes, fights, communicates in dysfunctional ways that can be harmful instead of helpful to our families. We need wisdom to help us navigate those difficulties. So today we’re going to see what Proverbs has to say when it comes to gaining practical wisdom for family life. Let’s turn to Proverbs 1:8-9 and get into it. You’ll find Proverbs in the middle of your bible, and we’ll be in Proverbs 1:8-9. The title of today’s message is Wisdom for Family Life, and here’s the big idea. We need wisdom for every role in the family. We need wisdom for every role in the family.
Context:
Here’s your context. These proverbs come from King Solomon who’s considered one of the most famous, wealthiest, wisest kings in history. Historically people traveled from all over the world to gain from his wisdom, and one of the reasons his wisdom is so practical is because he’s lived a lot of life. If you read a book in the Bible, he wrote called Ecclesiastes, you’ll learn he didn’t deny himself any earthly pleasures. He had tons of wealth, power, fame, success, all kinds of women and children, but eventually admits he made a lot of mistakes with all of it. He admits he was chasing after the wrong things in life, and nothing could bring him the pleasure he was seeking except for God. Proverbs allows us the chance to learn from his mistakes, and today we’ll learn 5 lessons as it relates to family life. So, let’s check it out.
The Word:
Proverbs 1:8-9 states, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, and don’t reject your mother’s teaching...” Solomon has God’s design for family in view here, which starts with a man and woman getting married, and in this case, they eventually have kids. So, let’s start with the 1st relationship which is the marital relationship. Solomon’s teaching us...
Lesson #1 = Marriage is a commitment, to a lifelong journey: Marriage is a commitment, to a lifelong journey. The assumption in the text is the parents are still married, still together, still instructing, and teaching their child as a unified team. It’s because when they said, “I do,” they meant it and were committed to living it. Proverbs 5:18 states, “Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth.” When he says, ‘the wife of your youth,’ he’s saying remain committed to the person you married. In other parts of Proverbs 5 he says keep your eyes on your spouse, instead of having lustful eyes for somebody else. It’s because marriage is a commitment, to a lifelong journey. But we live in a society that lacks commitment, partially because we’ve been conditioned by the digital world to quickly move on from things that can’t keep our attention. According to one study the average American sees roughly 5000 ads a day! It’s hard to remain focused and committed to anything with 5000 ads competing for your attention. But a spouse isn’t a reel or TikTok to swipe and move on from. They’re somebody you like, love, heart, subscribe, and continually follow because marriage is a commitment, to a lifelong journey. That doesn’t mean become a doormat for your spouse. For example, in abusive situations, the loving thing is to show them their abuse is sinful and hurtful by getting yourself to a safe place and seeking counseling. But even in less extreme situations, you need to love your spouse enough to give and welcome feedback from each other, for future marital growth.
Look too many people approach their wedding day and marriage with the wrong mindset. They approach their wedding day as a proclamation of their present love when it’s actually a promise of their future love. On your wedding day you don’t say “I promise to love you in the present.” You say “I promise to love you in the present and the future! I promise to love you from this day forward, for better for worse, in sickness and in health.” That’s the kind of love Solomon’s talking about when he says take pleasure in ‘the wife of your youth.’ It’s about being committed to having a present and future loving lifelong journey with your spouse. C.S. Lewis states, “Being in love is a good thing, but it’s not the best thing…Love is distinct from ‘being in love,’ because it’s more than a feeling. It’s a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit. It’s reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask and receive from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other…It’s on this love that the engine of marriage is run. Being in love is the explosion that started it.” Being in love is the explosion that starts a marriage, but it’s the love and grace of Jesus that can help keep a marriage running and moving forward. Having a Christ centered view of marriage is where you say “I’m going to remain committed to you, because it’s Jesus who remains committed to me! I’m going to keep loving and serving you, because it’s Jesus who keeps loving and serving me! He keeps loving and serving me not because I’m lovely, but because he’s committed to making me more lovely like him. He’s committed to making us both more lovely like him, and he’s using our marriage to do it.” Jesus doesn’t just gift you with a spouse for pleasure, he gifts you with a spouse for sanctification. If you remain committed to Jesus and the lifelong journey of marital sanctification, you’ll become much more lovely spouses in the future than you are in the present. Marriage is a commitment, to a lifelong journey.
Again vs. 8, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, and don’t reject your mother’s teaching.” Solomon says the father’s an ‘instructor’ and the mother’s a ‘teacher,’ meaning the family’s like a classroom, a place where you get an education on life, which leads to lesson #2.
Lesson #2 = Fathers and Mothers have teaching responsibilities: Solomon’s saying both parents have teaching responsibilities in the family. They’re to teach their children how to tie their shoes, how to cook bacon, how to avoid stranger danger...They’re to teach them the difference between right and wrong, wise decisions and unwise decisions. It’s because children naturally make unwise decisions that are harmful for their lives. They don’t understand how life works unless they’re taught. They wouldn’t survive this world if parents didn’t intervene to teach them about life, and vs 8 says this is the responsibility of both fathers and mothers. It doesn’t say “Fathers work while mothers teach and change diapers.” It also doesn’t say “Fathers be the fun ones, and mothers be the disciplinarians.” It says it’s a joint approach, it’s the responsibility of both fathers and mothers. But not only are they the primary teachers, vs 7 says their primary teaching should be about having a relationship with God. Proverbs 1:7 states, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” The primary people responsible for teaching our families about God isn’t the church, it’s the parents. Is that the case with your family? Are you teaching your children about Jesus, or teaching them more about the NFL draft? You wouldn’t be okay with starving your children physically, so don’t be okay with starving them spiritually.
Look everyday there’s a war going on for my children’s hearts, and I need to capitalize on the age of opportunity in front of me to shepherd their hearts. I struggle with the idol of wanting parental comfort and relaxation, wanting to come home and relax instead having to break up fights or reinforce something my wife’s already told them 100 times. But everyday there’s a war going on for my children’s hearts, and I need to sacrifice that idol of comfort to shepherd their hearts to Jesus, who’s power can help to transform their hearts. John Piper states, “The family isn’t just a place where children learn to hold a spoon, walk on two feet, say please, tie shoes, look both ways...The family is where all of this and more begins in God, is guided by God's Word, and is shown to be for the glory of God. It’s the fear of God, the reverencing of God, the standing in awe of God, the trusting of God...that’s what a family is for! The family is a school, and the unifying theme in the curriculum of this school is God.” The family is a school, it’s a classroom pointing to Jesus, and the parents are the primary teachers in that classroom.
Lesson #3 = The Mother’s Role Is Equally Valued: It’s a critical point considering it’s Mother’s Day and considering the cultural context Solomon’s speaking into. I mean historically ancient civilizations didn’t value women and treated them as 2nd class citizens. For example, Athenian law treated women as children and the property of men regardless of their age. So, women weren’t valued back then, and perhaps some of you mothers don’t feel valued today. Mothers are often undervalued and overworked. Ann Landers once received a letter stating, “I'm so tired of all those ignorant people asking my husband if his wife has a full-time job, or if she's ‘just a house-wife’…Here's my job description. I'm a wife, mother, friend, confidant, personal advisor, lover, referee, peacemaker, housekeeper, laundress, chauffeur, interior decorator, gardener, painter, wall paperer, dog groomer, veterinarian, manicurist, barber, seamstress, appointment manager, financial planner, bookkeeper, money manager, personal secretary, teacher, disciplinarian, entertainer, psychoanalyst, nurse, diagnostician, public relations expert, dietitian and nutritionist, baker, chef, fashion coordinator and letter writer for both sides of the family. I am also a travel agent, speech therapist, plumber and automobile maintenance and repair expert...From the studies done, it would cost more than $75,000 a year to replace me. I took time out of my busy day to write this letter, because there’s still ignorant people who believe a housewife is nothing more than a babysitter who sits on her behind all day watching soap operas.” Unfortunately, this is how a lot of mothers feel. They feel undervalued and overworked.
But Proverbs 1:8 is saying your role in the family is highly valued! It’s as equally valued as the Father’s role, especially in teaching your family to have faith in God. Is motherhood hard? Yes! Are there times you’re tired of hearing “Mom. Mom. Mom?” Yes! Are there times you hide in the bathroom because it’s the only place nobody will follow you? Yes! But there isn’t a single role in the world more important than getting to shape your child’s heart towards Jesus. It’s the most important role in the world! Exodus 20 tells us we should honor Mothers for this role but be careful not to seek that honor and appreciation. If you make being appreciated your goal in motherhood, you’ll be greatly disappointed. Paul Tripp states, “Without even knowing it, you may have entered into an unspoken ‘I serve, and you appreciate’ contract with your children. Then every time you serve, and your sacrifice goes unnoticed, your heart will be tempted with discouragement, anger, and bitterness towards the person God has called you to nurture and love. That isn’t healthy for either of you. Instead, find your identity, purpose, and strength in serving Jesus, as you serve in the role of motherhood.” It’s the greatest role in the world!
Lesson #4 = Children are students: The family is a classroom pointing to Jesus, the parents are the primary teachers in that classroom, and the children are the students. So, for those of you who are children, this is what Solomon’s saying to you. He’s saying you need to learn from your parents’ teachings. You need learn from both their good and bad teachings. I mean even if you didn’t have good Christ-like parents, you’re still able to learn things from them. You’re able to learn what not to do! Something I tell my children often is, “Daddy isn’t always right. Daddy isn’t always perfect. I need Jesus just as much as you do.” As parents we need to humble ourselves enough to tell our children we need Jesus just as much as they do. My greatest parental goal isn’t for my children to become wealthy or successful, it’s for them to recognize and accept their need for Jesus. It’s for them to hold onto the things I do that are Christ-like, but learn from mistakes and avoid the things I do that aren’t Christ-like.
The biggest fear I get from engaged couples I marry, is they’re afraid they’ll get divorced like their parents. Divorce is certainly hard on both the parents and the children; there’s grace and healing for that in Christ. But I always remind the couple their marriage doesn’t have to be their parent’s marriage. Genesis 2:24 says for this reason a man and woman are to leave their parent’s house, it’s to create a new family. It isn’t to create their parent’s family, it’s to create a new family. So married couples need to ask what they want their new family to look like? They need to keep the good Christ-like things they learned from their parent’s marriage but learn to avoid the things that weren’t Christ-like. Children also need to extend grace to their parents like Jesus extends grace to them. If you don’t the wrongs your parents did will still control your life. Some of you aren’t living with your parents in the present, but you’re still being controlled by the wrongs they did in the past. They’ll stop having control in your life when you start forgiving them in your heart. Solomon wants us to recognize there’s good and bad things we learn from our parents, but the greatest thing we can learn, is our need for God.
Again vs. 8 states, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, and don’t reject your mother’s teaching, 9 for they will be a garland of favor on your head and pendants around your neck.” There’s the 5th thing we learn from this text. Solomon’s teaching us...
Lesson #5 = There’s a reward: The garland of favor and pendants are symbols of a reward. Solomon’s saying our parents’ teachings, specifically their teachings about the Lord, are priceless to our lives. He’s saying there’s lots we’ll gain from our parents’ teachings, but none will benefit our lives more than the teachings of the Lord. None will benefit us more, than having a lifelong relationship with Jesus. This is important to remember if your single or want to have kids and it hasn’t happened yet. Some of you want to get married or have kids which is fine. But be careful not to view marriage or having kids as your greatest reward and source of joy in life. Marriage and parenting’s a joyous thing, but it’s also a painfully sanctifying thing. It involves a lot of sin, tears, selfishness, conversations that are sometimes hard to deal with. Getting married and having kids won’t satisfy the joy void in your heart. There’s only one Person who can satisfy the joy void in your heart, and his name is Jesus. The Christian life entails us being committed to a lifelong journey with Jesus, relying on his grace daily in marriage, parenting, childhood, and singleness. He’s our greatest reward, our greatest need, in all stages of family life.
The Big Idea:
So here’s the big idea. We need wisdom for every role in the family...We need wisdom, and the help of Jesus for every role in the family, because I can promise you this. You’ll mess things up regardless of your role in the family. You’ll mess up marriage, not loving your spouse as you should, even throwing daggers with your words...You’ll mess up parenting, not loving your children as you should, losing your patience, snapping at them instead of patiently talking with them...You’ll mess up childhood, not loving your parents as you should, causing them a lot of unnecessary worry, grief, and hardship...We’ll mess all these different roles up, but the good news is there’s always grace at the cross that can redeem and resurrect both you and your family. The issue in all our families is sin, the solution is always the grace of Jesus who died for our sins. Your spouse isn’t your savior, your parents are your savior, your children aren’t your savior, getting married and having kids isn’t your savior. There’s only one Savior, his name is Jesus, and he’s the giver of life, the perfector of life, the beginning of wisdom for you and your family life. He’s willing to walk this lifelong journey with you, and he proved it by being willing to die for you. He sacrificially committed his life to you; will you commit your life and family life to him?