The Practice of Silence and Solitude
When was the last time you sat in silence? The last time you were intentionally alone and engaged with your heart and mind? No screens, no noise, no book… just silence… Set a timer for 60 seconds and try it.
Silence is a rare experience in today’s world. We are surrounded by constant noise, both audible and visual. Depending on your personal habits and season of life, it can seem nearly impossible to have a minute to yourself, much less a quiet one. One thing I’ve noticed as our kids have gotten older and more independent is there are more quiet moments in our house. There’s still noise, but it’s not the chaos of 5 or 6 young children. Some are at work, some are out with friends, some are in their rooms reading. Those moments are distinctly noticeable and surreal at times because they stand in contrast to the norm. It’s weird and even uncomfortable in a way.
In our lives, silence and solitude can be weird and uncomfortable because it’s so different than what we’re used to. We don’t know how to be quiet or how to be when it is quiet. I think this is one reason more people don’t practice this spiritual discipline….it seems so simple, but it’s actually quite challenging. I want to give you three reasons why it’s a challenge for us to practice silence and solitude, and these same three reasons are why we should practice silence and solitude.
The first challenge of the quiet is that it makes us aware of how we feel. When we’re constantly on the move, constantly distracted by work, music, TV, social media, and everything else, we tend to be aware of what’s happening right in front of us, not so much what’s happening inside of us. We go throughout our day reacting to everything, whether it’s something funny, upsetting, or stressful, and we usually don’t even realize how we are affected. We go from one reaction to the next without processing those emotions, go to bed feeling worn out, overwhelmed, or anxious, and then wake up and do it all over the next day. Needless to say, this is not a healthy way to live. After a while, we don’t know what we feel or why we are so tense, irritable, depressed, or tired. We may even subconsciously decide to live this way because we want to avoid our feelings altogether. It seems easier. We’re afraid of what we’ll have to deal with if we stop to process our emotions. But the truth is we need to sit and be present with ourselves and the world around us. We need to examine what’s going on in our souls, and we need to silence to do that. Silence and solitude have a way of grounding us in reality as we engage with our inner self, getting below the surface, and understanding the good and bad of what’s happening inside.
The second challenge of silence and solitude is that it allows us space to think. This goes hand in hand with being aware of how we feel. It requires time and intentional thinking to sort through our feelings. It’s kind of like deconstructing a puzzle one piece at a time. We have this picture of how life is, and how we are, but we need to start to identify the individual pieces that make up the puzzle. All those reactions we have throughout the day can be attributed to something or someone. The heaviness that we’re carrying is usually the culmination of stacked circumstances and conversations that need to be unpacked. And again, this requires silence. It’s work that can’t be done with a million other distractions around us or in us. This is difficult because stopping the outside noise is one thing, but quieting our minds is another. It takes practice and trust to think deeply. Practice because we’re not used to it, and trust because we must push pause on our to-dos, our need to control, and our need to protect ourselves…even from our own thinking. Here’s what I mean, if you didn’t have all the “stuff” in life to think about, what would you think about? If you could stop thinking about your responsibilities, what would, or what could fill your mind? What if we tapped into a more complex side of our brain’s ability to think critically and spiritually? This may seem like it’s getting weird or complex but just stay with me.
The third challenge of silence and solitude is that it draws us into spiritual awareness. The challenges of feeling and thinking have already revealed that we tend to live at the surface level. Like a rock skipping across the water, we move so fast through life that we barely get wet. This is true in our spiritual lives as well. We can go through the motions of reading our Bible, attending church, praying, serving, etc…but it’s too easy to have those practices without going deep. We need silence and solitude to stop our momentum and plunge us into spiritual reality; to make us aware that there is more going on than what’s physically in front of us. When we process our feelings and emotions and begin to quiet our minds to think more clearly, it naturally tends to put things in perspective. We may begin to realize how much we’ve been hung up on minor problems, how little trust in God we’ve been exhibiting, how we’ve misplaced our hope, how irritable we’ve become, how selfish we’ve been, or we may feel small, broken, humble, or even grateful. All of these realizations exist because of what we believe to be true about ourselves and true about God (or at least the possibility of God if you aren’t sure yet what you believe). As we come into this awareness, we then respond. We either ignore the revelation, deny it, or we can accept it, confess it, thank God for it, and pray about how to move forward. This is hard because it seems abstract, there’s no clear process, every person is different, and it can’t be rushed. We need some type of guide to help us!
Our guide is twofold: Scripture and the Holy Spirit. The living Word of God and His presence in us is what sets this discipline apart from the meditation and mindfulness found in many Eastern religions. Those practices rely on the truth being found within yourself and nature…which it is not. The Christian practice of silence and solitude must be done in conjunction with the Bible. Read or study a passage of Scripture, sit with it, and pray, asking the Holy Spirit to do this work of searching and revelation within you. This is the only way for the emotions and thoughts to be anchored in truth. Meditating on Scripture in this way is a primary step in practicing the presence of God. It takes us out of our sense of physical reality and moves us into the reality of the presence of God. I believe this may be the most significant step in moving from knowledge to transformation, from religion to relationship. Even if you don’t have your Bible with you at the moment but you are practicing this regularly, then you can come back to those passages that are now hidden in your heart…. allowing God’s Word and His Spirit to continually meet you where you’re at.
Jesus practiced silence and solitude often as he spent time away from the crowds and his disciples to commune with the Father. It was something he needed and an example he set. If we want to abide with Christ, if we want to experience a loving union, we must practice being with him…and it starts with silence and solitude.
I recognize this may seem a little mysterious, so to conclude I want to give you some practical steps you can take to begin to implement silence and solitude in your life.
Get up earlier: I know mornings are hard, but there is no substitute for the quiet of the morning. Go to bed earlier if you need to. Plan your outfit the night before. 30 minutes of quiet in the morning is priceless.
Drive in silence: Turn off the music or podcasts and let it be quiet in your car. Driving is a great time to reflect and pray.
Take 5-minute breaks: Set an alarm for three or four 5-to-10-minute quiet breaks throughout the day. Go for a short walk (without your phone or music), read your Bible and pray, or take off your shoes and go outside in the grass.
Turn off screens: Every time you feel the urge to pick up your phone, turn on the TV, or sit at your computer and it’s not required, ask yourself if you should. Is it a good use of your time or are you doing it out of habit or to stay distracted?
Plan the time: Put time on your calendar for extended quiet. Plan an afternoon to unplug and sit with your Bible. Spend a day at the beach. Go for a long walk and stop along the way to read and pray. Stretch yourself to make this a priority.
These are simple ways to begin to turn off the noise and practice the presence of God through silence and solitude. How can you implement this discipline into your life?
