Should I Be Affirming?
Sermon Notes
Intro
Today we’re continuing our teaching series called Graceful Resistance, and it’s about living with convictions in a culture of compromise. We’re addressing some major cultural topics such as critical race theory, sexuality, gender identity, religious liberties, and cancel culture. Like I said last week we’re addressing these topics not to be controversial, it’s to show the gospel of Jesus can bring healing to these already controversial topics. In each message we’re teaching a biblical perspective first, then addressing questions about these topics second. Last week we discussed the topic of race and critical race theory, and today we’re studying the topic of sexual orientation, in particular same sex orientation. It’s a difficult topic many Christians have handled poorly, causing same sex orientation people to feel wounded, unloved, unwelcomed by churches. We hope you’ll feel differently here, because we want to be a place for both skeptics and believers to seek truth and find joy in community. We believe that truth can be found in the bible.
Now to prep for this message I studied some incredible Christian thinkers such as Sam Allberry, Dr. Christopher Yuan, and Rosaria Butterfield. Dr. Yuan’s still a professor at Moody, and Rosaria Butterfield was a professor at Syracuse University who’s now in full time ministry. I researched more than this, but I named these three because all three lived a same sex orientation lifestyle before becoming Christians. They give some great insights into the thoughts, struggles, emotions of same sex orientation since they lived it, while also pointing to the life transforming power of the gospel. That being said, let’s turn to Romans 1 and get into it. You’ll find Romans in the last quarter of your bible, and we’ll be in Romans 1:25-31. Title of today’s message is Should I Be Affirming, of Every Sexual Orientation, and here’s the big idea.You can still be loving, without affirming or alienating...You can still be loving, without affirming or alienating.
Context:
Here’s your context. Romans was written by the Apostle Paul who at one point used to kill Christians. But historically we know he ends up becoming a Christian and eventually dies for his faith as a Christian after meeting the resurrected Jesus. Jesus loved Paul without affirming or alienating Paul for his actions, and that love helped transform Paul’s life. Well in vs 19-24 Paul teaches everybody has the same issue. We’ve all turned away from the very God who created us. We’ve turned to worship created things, instead of our Creator, which he says next. Check it out.
The Word:
Romans 1:25-32 states, “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served what has been created instead of the Creator...” Paul’s talking specifically about how the skeptics and Un-believers were worshipping and pursuing created things, instead of the Creator. But the reality is we’ve done this too. We’ve taken good things like basic resources for survival, and turned it into a god called greed. We’ve taken good things like food, and turned it into a god called gluttony. We’ve taken good things like sexuality, and turned it into a god called sexual openness. Paul’s saying we’ve all had times where we’ve chosen to worship other things rather than God. So what’s God do? He gives us what we want, which is life without Him.
Vs. 26, “For this reason God delivered them over to disgraceful passions...” God gives them and us what we wanted, which is life without Him. C.S. Lewis states, “God in the end, gives people what they most want, including freedom from himself. What could be more fair?” He reiterates this in The Great Divorce saying, “To those who object to the doctrine of hell, what are you asking God to do? To wipe out their past sins and at all costs give them a fresh start? He did that, when Jesus died on the cross...You want God to forgive them? But they don’t ask for forgiveness...You want God to leave them alone? That’s what hell is!” Both Paul and C.S. Lewis are saying it isn’t God who rejects us, it’s us who reject God. We’re the ones who’ve chosen to reject God, and in the end God will give us what we want, unless we repent and turn to Him.
Again vs. 26 states, “For this reason God delivered them over to disgraceful passions. Their women exchangednatural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 The men in the same way also left natural relations with women and were inflamed in their lust for one another. Men committed shameless acts with men and received in their own persons the appropriate penalty of their error.” Paul’s giving an example of how people chose to worship other things rather than God. He uses same sex orientation as an example of unnatural sexuality, that goes against God’s natural design of heterosexual monogamous sexuality. The Greek word for unnatural literally means against nature. Sam Allberry lived a same sex orientation lifestyle for years, and in his book “Is God Anti-Gay,” Allberry states, “When Paul uses the words natural and unnatural, he isn’t referring to our subjective expressions of what feels natural to us. This is why we can’t say ‘Well God made me this way, so it must be okay.’ Paul’s point in Romans 1 is that our nature (as we experience it), isn’t natural (as God intended it.) All of us have desires that are warped as a result of our sin fallen nature. Desires for things God has forbidden are a reflection of how sin distorted me, not a reflection of how God made me.” He’s saying whenever we reject God, our sin nature takes over and we crave things God never intend us to crave. We all crave things God never intended us to crave, and it leads to all kinds of issues in our lives, which Paul says next.
Vs. 28, “And because they did not think it worthwhile to acknowledge God, God delivered them over to a corrupt mind so that they do what is not right. 29 They are filled with all unrighteousness, evil, greed, and wickedness.” That’s economic issues. “They are full of envy, murder, quarrels, deceit, and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers.” That’s relationship issues. “God-haters, arrogant, proud, boastful, inventors of evil...” That’s spiritual issues. “Disobedient to parents, 31 senseless, untrustworthy, unloving,, and unmerciful.” That’s family issues...Paul’s saying whenever we reject God it’ll lead to all kinds of issues in our lives, which means we can’t do what Christians have done for years. We can’t elevate same sex orientation issues, while ignoring our own depravity issues. Paul’s point isn’t to single out same sex orientation, it’s to single out our depravity. It’s to show that our rejection of God has led to depravity in every area of our lives. But God’s so kind and loving, He gives us a way out.
Romans 3:10, “There is no one righteous, not even one...12 All have turned away...22 But the righteousness of God is through faith in Jesus Christ, to all who believe... 23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” So it doesn’t matter what you believed about Jesus in the past, it matters what you believe about Jesus in the present. It doesn’t matter what your struggles with depravity are, it matters what kind of savior Jesus is. He’s a loving savior who’s willing to save and redeem anyone who turns to him. The biblical perspective of same sex orientation is it’s just one of many examples of depravity coming from rejecting God, but it isn’t beyond the redeeming love of Jesus. That’s our biblical foundation, so let me address some questions.
#1 = Are people born with a same sex orientation? = The dominant narrative being told in our culture is that people are born with a same sex orientation, but it isn’t true. There’s zero conclusive evidence proving people are born with a same sex orientation. The American Psychiatric Association states, “Some people believe that sexual orientation is innate and fixed; however, sexual orientation develops across a person’s lifetime.” They’re saying people aren’t born with same sex orientation, instead they develop it over time. The American Psychological Association states, “Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude, that sexual orientation is determined by a particular factor or factors.” Both these associations are the largest Psychiatric and Psychological associations in the world, and both agree there’s no evidence proving people are born with same sex orientations.
Lisa Diamond is a Professor of Developmental Health Psychology at the University of Utah, she’s a respected member of the American Psychological Association, and also a lesbian activist. Diamond states, “I’m not suggesting we throw out categories like gay and bisexual...But we have to be careful about presuming they represent natural phenomena like height...” I find it interesting she uses the word ‘natural’ like Paul in Romans 1. She says we have to be careful of presuming same sex orientation is a ‘natural’ phenomena. Diamond continues, “As a community we need to stop saying, ‘Please help us, we are born this way and can’t change,’ as an argument for legal standing...That argument is going to bite us, because now we know there’s enough data out there, that the other side is aware of.” As a respected psychologist, professor, and lesbian activist, she admits the cultural narrative that people are born this way isn’t true. The biblical view teaches God created us in Genesis 1-2 with a heterosexual orientation when He created us male and female for each other. But like Paul said in Romans 1, our rejection of God caused us to exchange natural things for unnatural things including our sexual orientation. Our psycho-social environments can further influence the development of our sexual orientations good or bad, throughout our lifetime like the American Psychiatric Association states. So despite what the cultural narrative says, there’s zero evidence proving people are born with a same sex orientation.
#2 Isn’t denying same sex desires, denying who people really are? No it’s actually a discovery of who people were really created to be. Romans 1 teaches we have distorted sexual desires. If we build our identity on those distorted desires, it’ll lead to a distorted identity and distorted sexual activity. So aligning with Jesus isn’t a denial of who we are, it’s a restoration of who we are. He restores our identity from our distorted sexual depravity. We have to be careful of our feelings and desires driving our decisions. I mean not everything that feels good, is good. For example just because I have a heterosexual orientation, that doesn’t mean I should say to my wife “I guess I have to be true to myself and keep pursuing other women.” She’d say “I guess I have to be true to myself, and smack the stupid out of you!” My point is that not everything that feels good, or every sexual desire that feels good, is good. Some of it’s been distorted by our depravity. Alberry states, “Jesus shows us that in its God given context, the value of sex is far greater than we might have realized, and yet even there it isn’t ultimate. Sex is a powerful urge, but it isn’t fundamental to wholeness and human flourishing...Jesus was the most fully human of all people, yet remained celibate.” Jesus was fully human, fully divine, yet fully single, celibate, and satisfied. He was full of joy without having to puruse a sexual partner to fulfill that joy. Jesus can help us discover a healthy sexuality and identity. He can help us discover who we really are.
#3 Is life transformation possible for people with a same sex orientation? Yes it is! Christianity’s full of testimonies of people being transformed by Jesus. I’d encourage you to start by reading your bible with a strong Christian friend, and reading books together written by Sam Allberry, Dr. Christopher Yuan, and Rosaria Butterflied. We also need to remember heterosexual orientation people need transformation too. I mean heterosexual orientation people still struggle with lustful thoughts, porn, sexual purity as singles, even sexual purity in marriage. Heterosexual Christians sometimes forget this when discussing same sex orientation. In their attempt to share a biblical perspective on sexual purity, they forget their own struggles with sexual purity. Paul’s point in Romans 3 is nobody’s pure except God, so we all need the grace of Jesus for salvation and transformation. We also need Jesus for restoration if we stumble in sin again, because some parts of our depravity take longer to transform than others. So don’t get discouraged if you’ve stumbled, instead reach out to Jesus again. He’ll make sure your depravity is fully transformed, by the time you reach eternity. Dr. Christopher Yuan states, “Change isn’t the absence of temptations, it’s the ability to be holy even in the midst of temptations.” Both same sex and heterosexual people need Jesus for salvation, transformation, and restoration, to live a holy sexuality.
#4 What if a same-sex partnership is committed and faithful? It’s true there’s same sex relationships that are committed, even more committed than some heterosexual relationships. So it’s a valid question. But Paul addresses a similar issue in 1st Corinthians 5 when a guy marries his father’s wife, who is presumably his stepmother. What’s interesting is Paul never addresses their loving commitment to each other, he addresses the type of relationship it was since it’s against Leviticus 18. The issue isn’t their loving commitment, it’s that it was against God’s design. So we can sometimes be faithfully committed to wrong things. We can be faithfully committed to a sinful activity, but that doesn’t make that sinful activity okay. All of us want to be a part of loving committed relationships with others, and you’ll never find somebody more loving and committed to you, than Jesus.
#5 Why didn’t Jesus ever talk about same sex orientation? He actually did talk about it. In Matthew 19 Jesus affirms the Genesis account of heterosexual monogamous sexuality. In Mark 7 he condemns porneia, which is where we get the word pornography from. It’s a Greek word that entails every form of sexual immorality. The original audience Jesus is talking to would’ve understood Jesus as condemning all sexual activity outside a heterosexual monogamous relationship. Jesus didn’t have to specifically mention it because it was common sense. I mean Jesus never specifically taught on bestiality, but that doesn’t mean he approved bestiality. He didn’t have to specifically teach on any of these things because porneia included these things. Plus Jesus taught us to trust the entirety of scripture, and this topic is addressed in Genesis 19, Romans 1, 1st Corinthians 6, 1st Timothy 1, Leviticus 18. In Leviticus 18 we learn God also prohibits certain heterosexual practices like incest and sex with multiple partners. This is important because way too many people view the bible as singling out same sex relationships, but it teaches sexual ethics for both. So instead of singling out same sex or heterosexual orientations, we should focus on a biblical view of sexuality, which addresses both.
#6 Why uphold same sex orientation laws, but ignore other biblical laws? A lot people are like “Why are you Christians upholding this biblical law, but then ignore biblical laws on eating pork?” People who say this misunderstand biblical laws. See there’s 3 kinds of biblical laws: It’s civil, ceremonial, and moral laws. Civil laws are laws God gave Israel to establish them as a nation. We don’t follow those anymore because the New Testament teaches us to follow the laws of the land we’re living in. Ceremonial laws are laws God gave for Israel to worship. We don’t follow those anymore because Jesus fulfilled all the ceremonial laws so we can worship him anytime and anywhere. The Moral laws are laws God gave for humanity to live good moral lives, and we’re to uphold those laws because God’s moral character never changes. Sexual ethics are a part of God’s moral laws, therefore God still expects us to follow them. In the words of Tim Keller, “The coming of Christ changed how we worship, but not how we live.”
#7 Does having same sex orientation send you to hell? = Having a same sex orientation doesn’t send you to hell, just like having a heterosexual orientation doesn’t send you to heaven. The biblical perspective teaches rejecting Jesus leads to hell, accepting Jesus leads to heaven. So we aren’t saved by our sexuality, we’re saved by Jesus. This means repentance and salvation looks the same for both same sex and heterosexual orientations. It’s saying “Jesus forgive me for rejecting you, for living life without you. I want to submit every part of my life to you, including my sexuality.” We’re saved through repentance and faith in Jesus, not our sexuality.
#8 How do we live with graceful resistance? = How do we live with graceful resistance? How do we love same sex orientation people, without affirming or alienating?
#1 Befriend people like Jesus befriended you = Befriend people like Jesus befriended you. We aren’t at war with same sex orientation people, because Jesus came to die for the sins of both same sex and heterosexual people. A lot of same sex orientation people are hurting and afraid of being rejected by those they love. They’re afraid of being isolated by their family, their friends, even the church! They need followers of Jesus to befriend them, so the love of Jesus can comfort them. They need the loving friendship of Jesus, just as much as we do.
#2 Meet people where they are, not where you think they should be = Sometimes we give the impression Christianity’s about “First clean your life up, then come to Jesus.” But the gospel is about “First come to Jesus, then he’ll clean your life up.” Don’t expect people to have already arrived in holiness, when you haven’t even arrived in holiness. Instead talk to people in ways that matches their receptivity level to grow in Jesus, and display you’re need for growth in Jesus too.
#3 Talk about sin generally, instead of specifically = Remember the issue in all our lives isn’t one specific sin, it’s a multitude of sins coming from our depravity in rejecting Jesus. Our sexual sins are just one of many sins we need Jesus to save, redeem, and transform.
#4 Keep the focus on Jesus = Keep the focus on helping people get to know Jesus. The power of transformation happens not by hammering people over their sin, it happens by drawing them closer to Jesus. This doesn’t mean we don’t ever talk about sin, it just means we need to help people meet Jesus, before we can expect them to submit to Jesus.
The Big Idea:
The big idea of the message is you can still be loving, without affirming or alienating.
The cultural narrative is that Christians and same sex orientation people should either affirm or alienate each other. But Jesus gives a 3rd option, which is to love without affirming or alienating. Jesus held the highest view of scripture and holiness, while still loving those who didn’t. He shared meals with tax collectors, prostitutes, people alienated in society, and had a thief cry out to him for salvation on the cross. John 1:14 says he lived a life that was full of grace and truth! He lived a life that was loving, but not affirming or alienating. People always felt safe exposing their hearts to Jesus, and we should love people in such a way that they feel safe exposing their hearts to us. We should be loving like Jesus, without affirming or alienating like our culture.
The issue with our affirming culture is where does the sexual freedom end? It has no end if we’re an affirming culture, which is disastrous especially for the protection of women and children. So we need sexual ethics, but who gets to decide those ethics? A former practicing lesbian named Rosaria Butterfield once stated that Romans 1 exposed her heart and caused her to ask who gets to declare what’s good? Is it her, or God? Butterfield states, “Homosexuality is not the core of our rebellion against God; a desire to be God is. A desire to be the one who gets to declare good and evil, and play judge rather than be judged.” See the real issue for all of us, is who gets to call the shots in your life?...Who gets to decide what’s good or bad for your life?...If you believe there’s a God who created you...then you should also believe that God knows what’s best for you, including what’s best for your sexuality. Let’s pray.