I Am Loved
Sermon Audio
Sermon Notes
Intro:
Hey everybody my name’s Louis I’m one of the pastor’s here at the church, it’s great to be with you this morning. Today we’re continuing our series called “Identity: I am ___.” It’s all about who God says we are not who society’s molded us to be, and something we can all agree on is our need to be loved. It doesn’t matter if you’re a tough guy, a tough girl, what society or family you were born in, our need to be loved is a universal need. It’s essential to life, essential to human development, essential to all our relationships. In a recent article Psychology Today stated this, “Findings show that babies who are deprived contact comfort, particularly during the first six months after they are born, grow up to be psychologically damaged. Given the importance of the need to be loved, it isn’t surprising that most of us believe that a significant determinant of our happiness is whether we feel loved and cared for. In a few surveys conducted, people rate ‘having healthy relationships’ as one of their top goals.” So people need to be loved, it’s essential to human development, and one of our greatest goals is healthy relationships. People want healthy relationships, and today we’re gonna talk about a Christian ethical principle that can give you healthy relationships. It’s the Christian ethical principle to love, as Christ loved us...It’s to love, as Christ loved us...If we live out that one ethical principle, it’ll have massive implications on the health of our relationships. So let’s turn to Ephesians 5:22-6:9 and get into it. The title of today’s message is “I Am Loved.” I am loved, and we should love as Christ loved us.
Context:
Here’s your context. Paul begins Ephesians 5 with the ethical principle to love as Christ loved us. Ephesians 5:1-2 states, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” So Paul begins with the ethical principle to love as Christ loved us, and he tells us exactly how Christ loved us. He says he “gave himself up for us” and he did this as an offering “to God.” He gave himself up FOR us, and he did this as an offering TO God. So to love as Christ loved us is about giving our lives up FOR others, and it’s about offering our lives up TO God. Simply put, it’s about sacrifice and submission. Jesus sacrificed his life for us, we need to sacrifice our lives for others. Jesus submitted his life to the leadership of God The Father, we need to submit our lives to the leadership of Jesus. That’s what it means to love as Christ loved us. Paul’s about to give us 3 examples of this ethical principle being lived out. It’s examples in the marital relationship, parent child relationship, and servant master relationship. Let’s check it out.
The Word:
Ephesians 5:22 states, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife...” That’ll start a fight. Try telling your wife to submit and that you’re the head, it’ll start a fight real quick! Alright need to spend some time unpacking this because there’s no way around it. The bible teaches the husband’s the head, the 1st among equals in a marital relationship, and the wife’s supposed to submit to his leadership. We have a lot of issues with the word submit, so let’s unpack this thing. Here’s 5 things submit doesn’t mean.
#1 It Doesn’t Mean Women Are Devalued = The word submit doesn’t mean women are devalued, which is confusing to us because in our context the word submit is devaluing, but in Paul’s context it doesn’t mean that. See in Genesis 2 we learn that God created women to be “helpers” to men, which means by nature men need help. To which the ladies are like, “Yes they do. You men definitely need some help.” And we do. We don’t like to admit it, but we need help, Now the Hebrew word for helper has great significance in the bible. It’s mostly used to describe God which tells us this isn’t about devaluing women, it’s about valuing women as imitators of this characteristic of God. The very word helper means to have great strength and gifts in areas men are lacking. Men and women are to complement each other, not devalue each other. So it’s not “Me man, you woman. Me speak, you do.” The bible never teaches us to treat woman like that, instead it teaches us to treat women with equal worth, value, and love. The feminist movement didn’t create that belief, the bible did. The bible teaches very strongly that women are to be treated with equal worth, value, and love, and their gifts help to complement men’s gifts.
#2 It Doesn’t Mean Submit To All Men = The word submit doesn’t mean wives need to submit to all men. It says wives submit to “your own husbands,” not to all men, but to your own husbands, and there’s limitations on that, which we’ll get to later in the text.
#3 It Doesn’t Mean Wives Can’t Have Their Own Thoughts = Husbands being the 1st among equals doesn’t mean wives can’t have their own thoughts. I’m married to an amazing woman, a very godly woman, and she has her own thoughts. Trust me she has her own thoughts, and she’ll make sure I hear about them, as she should. God’s given her thoughts, desires, dreams, intelligence, intuition, and she should use them for the good of our family and the glory of God.
#4 It Doesn’t Mean Wives Can’t Be Leaders = The word submit doesn’t mean wives or women can’t be leaders. Like I said earlier, women aren’t called to submit to all men, so I’m not raising my daughter to be at men’s disposal. I’m raising her to be a leader, to get an education, to use her gifts in the world for the glory of God. The only roles the bible reserves for men to lead are Pastor, Elder, and Husband, so women can definitely be leaders, business owners, managers, professors at universities, even lead the way at the surgical table. They can be leaders, and men need to remember the helper aspect of women because part of being a good leader entails asking for help in areas you’re deficient. For example my wife does hair, I don’t do hair. So if you want your hair done I’m not taking the lead on that. How about childbirth? Yeah not taking the lead on that one either. My wife’s also great at nurturing, forgiving, speaking truth with love, all things she’s helping me to grow in. You see how this works? We’re not equal in gifts and roles, and that’s okay. Our society gets all uptight over this, but it’s okay. The bible gives us much freedom in the “headship/helper” roles, including freedom for women to lead in areas they flourish.
#5 It Doesn’t Mean Mutual Submission = The word submit doesn’t mean mutual submission, meaning the wife submits to the husband and the husband submits to the wife. Some people believe it means that because vs. 21 says we need to submit to “one another.” But it can’t mean that because the Greek word submit is always used without exception, in the context of ordered authority. By ordered authority I mean like a parent having leadership authority over their child or an employer having leadership authority over their employee, both being examples Paul gives in the text. So the word submit can’t mean mutual submission because the entire context doesn’t allow that. It also can’t mean mutual submission because Paul’s about to compare the marital relationship to Christ’s relationship with the church. So if we take a mutual submission approach to the text we have to say Jesus is mutually submissive to the church like a husband and wife are mutually submissive to each other, which isn’t true. Jesus doesn’t submit to the leadership of the church, it’s the church that submits to the leadership of Jesus. So again, the word submit can’t mean mutual submission. But let’s find out what it does mean. Now that we now what it doesn’t mean, let’s find out what submitting and headship actually do mean.
Again vs. 22, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Okay notice Paul says “Christ is the head of the church” meaning as Christians we’re to submit to his headship, we’re to submit to his leadership, our primary submission is to him. So when Paul says wives submit to their husbands “in everything,” he means everything that’s not contrary to Jesus. Some women are married to ungodly men who ask them to do sinful things, might even abuse them, but they shouldn’t submit to their husband in those things because those things are contrary to Jesus. Both men and women should never submit to things contrary to Jesus. If your husband says to do one thing but Jesus says another, you follow Jesus. If your wife says to do one thing but Jesus says another, you follow Jesus. A wife is never called to submit to things contrary to Jesus, and a loving husband would never ask to, which is Paul’s next point.
Vs. 25, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” There’s Ephesians 5:1-2, it’s to love as Christ loved us. Paul says husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and again it’s about sacrifice and submission. It means husbands are to sacrifice their lives for their wives, they’re to submit to the leadership of Jesus, they’re to love as Christ loved us. Jesus in his leadership never abused the church or ruled over it like a chauvinistic angry dictator, instead he loved the church sacrificially, continually, daily, and husbands are to do the same. They’re to love their wives sacrificially, continually, daily, on good and bad days. If your wife’s depressed, love your wife. If she gains weight, love your wife. If she’s grumpy, love your wife. If she’s stressed from the kids, love your wife. If she’s sick, love your wife. If she’s rebellious to your leadership, you still love your wife because Jesus still loves you when you’re rebellious to him. You’re to love your wife every day, as Christ loved the church. Ladies you should want a man to love you like that. You should want to submit to a man who’s willing to love you as Christ loved us. To love as Christ loved us is the highest ethical principle there is for marriage. So none of this is about treating women like submissive doormats, it’s about treating them as co-equals, as highly cherished helpmates to be loved. The wife’s called to sacrificially submit to her husband, the husband’s called to sacrificially love his wife, both are called to submit to the leadership of Jesus, both are called to love, as Christ loved us. If we live this ethical principle out, it’ll cause wives to feel loved by their husbands, and husbands to feel respected by their wives like vs. 33 states. Now here’s what all this means practically. It means:
#1 Wives Don’t Be Compliant or Contentious = Don’t be compliant or contentious. Some wives are compliant, they’re silent, they never use their gifts and wisdom to help their husband or prevent their husband from making foolish decisions. But some wives are contentious, they’re loud, they fight their husband on everything. What type of wife are you, are you compliant or contentious?..Are you more compliant or contentious?..Wives you’re not called to be compliant or contentious, you’re called to be complementary. You’re called to sacrificially submit to your husband, by using your gifts and expressing your wisdom in ways that are respectful and complementary to your husband. How can you be more complementary to your husband?
#2 Husbands Love Your Wives = Husbands you’re to love your wives. Paul uses the word love 6 times in the text, 1 is about Jesus and the other 5 are all directed to husbands. Maybe it’s because a lot of husbands aren’t very loving. They’re not very loving, instead they treat their wife like a job description. It’s you have your tasks, I have my tasks, everybody has their tasks, so everybody’s good. Okay let’s have sex? The wife’s like, “Ah no. Back rub...I want a back rub.” For the wife it’s not about job descriptions it’s about being loved. Wives want to be loved, so why not ask her how she wants to be loved, and then be willing to sacrificially love your wife. Love your wife in such a way, that it makes it easy for her to want to respect you.
#3 Singles Are Called Too = Singles are called to love as Christ loved us too, you’re called to live this out in your existing relationships. Single women you’re just as called as married women to grow in being a godly woman who godly men will love. You can do this by respecting the men in your life now, praying for them, honoring them, serving them, helping them to flourish as men. Single men you’re just as called as married men to grow in being a godly man who godly women will respect. You can do this by loving the women in your life now, praying for them, honoring them, serving them, laying your life down for them so they can flourish as women. Even ingles are called to love as Christ loved us. Let’s go to Ephesians 6:1.
Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’ 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Okay so the key phrases are “in the Lord” and “of the Lord.” Paul instructs children to obey their parents “in the Lord,” meaning once again our primary submission isn’t to our parents it’s to Jesus. So if your parents abuse you, do something sinful to you, or ask you to do something contrary to Jesus, you follow Jesus. Children need to obey their parents, but not if it’s contrary to Jesus. As for parents, Paul instructs parents to not provoke their children and to raise them in the discipline and instruction “of the Lord,” meaning as parents we shouldn’t impose unnecessary disciplines and instructions on our children, instead we should raise our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Too often we discipline our kids for things they don’t need discipline for, or we put expectations on our kids that the Lord doesn’t even put on them. As parents we shouldn’t impose unnecessary disciplines, instructions, expectations, ambitions, or ask our kids to do things contrary to Jesus, instead we should raise our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So in the parent child relationship the ethical principle to love as Christ loved us is again about sacrifice and submission. It’s about children sacrificially obeying their parents in things that aren’t contrary to Jesus, and parents sacrificially setting aside unnecessary disciplines and instructions for the sake of instructing their children in the Lord. But both are willing to submit to the leadership of Jesus. Both children and parents are to love as Christ loved us. Here’s what this means practically.
It means children are to obey their parents respectfully not begrudgingly. We don’t obey our parents begrudgingly rolling our eyes, stomping our feet, or copping an attitude every time they ask us to do something. We do it respectfully. But it also means parents should do whatever they can to make obedience a joy for their children not a burden. We shouldn’t overburden them with unnecessary discipline and instructions that aren’t of the Lord. As parents we should put a greater emphasis on cultivating our child’s heart, over correcting a bunch of behaviors.
Vs. 5, “Bondservants, obey your earthly masters...” So now we’re getting into the servant master relationship. Paul says bondservants are to obey their masters. Now some have accused Christianity of approving slavery here but it’s not true, because we can’t compare this slavery with the 17th-18th Century American Slavery we know. I mean Greco Roman slavery wasn’t based on race, it was rarely permanent, people sometimes volunteered to be slaves to pay off debt, and slaves even had rights where they could bring their masters to court if injustices were done to them. So contextually this is a much different kind of slavery, and even it wasn’t, Paul’s still not condoning it he’s actually giving slaves greater rights than they already have. He’s about to make them co-equals with masters in worth, value, and love. Listen to what he says.
Again vs. 5, “Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, 6 not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, 7 rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. 9 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.” Paul just elevated bondservants to co-equals with their masters in worth, value, and love. He even tells masters to “do the same,” meaning to serve bondservants in the same way bondservants are to serve them, which is with a “sincere heart as they would Christ.” Paul’s saying both the servant and master are to sacrificially serve each other, as if they’re serving Christ himself. So once again we see the ethical principal to love as Christ loved us being lived out. Both servants and masters are to sacrifice and submit. They’re to sacrificially serve each other with sincere hearts as if they’re serving Christ himself, and they’re to submit their lives to the leadership of Jesus who Paul says is “both their masters.” Both the slave and the master are to love, as Christ loved us. Here’s what this means practically.
A lot of scholars apply this text to employee employer relationships, which means as Christian employees we’re called to work hard for our employers, and with a sincere heart. Some of you are like, “Yeah but my boss is a jerk.” That might be true, but you’re still called to work hard and with a sincere heart because your service is to your greater boss Jesus. As Christian employers we’re called to create some of the best work environments, and to make it easy for our employees to want to work for us. We’re to show our employees great love and respect, because we’re serving Jesus as we serve our employees. Both employees and employers should work like Jesus is our boss, so our work can be a witness of what it means to love, as Christ loved us.
The Big Idea:
Let’s get to the big idea. Here’s the big idea. We’re to love, as Christ loved us...We’re to love, as Christ loved us...What implications do you think this would have on your relationships if you were to live this ethical principle out?..If you truly lived this out, truly loved as Christ loved us, what implications do you think that would have on your marital relationship, your parent child relationship, your employee employer relationship?..The implications would be massive, but the problem is we can’t live this out without submitting to Jesus, and being filled with the Holy Spirit like Ephesians 5:18 says. See the type of love Paul’s been talking in the text is a Greek word called agape, and agape love is considered a uniquely divine love associated with making sacrifices for another’s good. Some are you like, “Well I can do that? I can love someone sacrificially for their good?” You might be able to short term, but you and I are too selfish to love people sacrificially long term. Even if you could do it long term, agape love goes much deeper than that because it’s about sacrificially loving even your enemies.
Look it’s easy to sacrificially love those who love you back, but it’s harder to sacrificially love those who don’t love you back, or to sacrificially love your spouse, parent, child, employee when they’re not treating you well. Now as hard as it is to love them when they’re not treating you well, it’s even harder to sacrificially love your enemies. I mean to sacrificially love your enemies, to be willing to die for your enemies is a much deeper kind of love, a whole different level of love, a love unlike anything you can imagine, which is exactly the kind of love Jesus poured out on the cross. We were sinners, we were his enemies, we were undeserving of his love yet he still poured out his agape love for us anyways. When Jesus died for us on the cross he poured out agape love. He offers us that love personally and he offers to help us live out that love socially. He offers his love to anyone who’s willing to repent of their sins and submit to him. But apart from him we can’t live out agape love, and our relationships will never reach the level of health we desire. Psychology Today said having such loving relationships is one of our greatest goals. The ethical principle to love as Christ loved us is the way to reach that goal. So let’s submit our lives and relationships to Jesus, rely on the Holy Spirit, and love as Christ loved us.
Psychology Today stated this, “Findings show that babies who are deprived contact comfort, particularly during the first six months after they are born, grow up to be psychologically damaged. Given the importance of the need to be loved, it isn’t surprising that most of us believe that a significant determinant of our happiness is whether we feel loved and cared for. In a few surveys conducted, people rate ‘having healthy relationships’ as one of their top goals.”
#1 It Doesn’t Mean Women Are Devalued
#2 It Doesn’t Mean Submit To All Men
#3 It Doesn’t Mean Wives Can’t Have Their Own Thoughts
#4 It Doesn’t Mean Wives Can’t Be Leaders
#5 It Doesn’t Mean Mutual Submission
#1 Wives Don’t Be Compliant or Contentious
#2 Husbands Love Your Wives
#3 Singles Are Called Too